


The Way We Remember Us

by saladbabie



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, College, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Rain, i rated this T for swearing, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25495894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saladbabie/pseuds/saladbabie
Summary: To be fair, Peter was thrilled about going to college. He was going to MIT on a full ride, plans to double major in computer science and chemical engineering. (He knew he’d probably have to put up a fight for both of them unless Mr. Stark got involved which, unbeknownst to Peter, he probably would). Of course, first year students at MIT begin undeclared, but Peter already knew what he’d be doing from here on out. He and Harley were headed college, getting their degrees, and, eventually, taking over SI hand in hand.What Peter was not thrilled about, however, was the notion of having to leave Harley to go to school.
Relationships: Harley Keener/Peter Parker, Harry Osborn & Peter Parker, Harry Osborn/Peter Parker
Comments: 9
Kudos: 52
Collections: Parkner Rain Collection





	The Way We Remember Us

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this for [Parkner Discord](https://discord.gg/cxwUkVW) server event prompt: rain  
> i also never write anything sad and did not read over this at all so i hope it's okay  
> this is very much based off of my own experiences with relationships therefore: this fic is dedicated to my lovely partner who does not read fanfiction, you'll never see this but i love you so much

To be fair, Peter was thrilled about going to college. He was going to MIT on a full ride, plans to double major in computer science and chemical engineering. (He knew he’d probably have to put up a fight for both of them unless Mr. Stark got involved which, unbeknownst to Peter, he probably would). Of course, first year students at MIT begin undeclared, but Peter already knew what he’d be doing from here on out. He and Harley were headed college, getting their degrees, and, eventually, taking over SI hand in hand. 

What Peter was not thrilled about, however, was the notion of having to leave Harley to go to school. They’d spent the last few years without going any more than a few weeks without seeing each other, and they’d spent the past summer with one another nearly every day both in and out of the tower, so knowing that Harley would be across the country until Thanksgiving was difficult to say the least. To make up for the time that they would lose together, the two planned on going out together on the last night they could before both of them left to move into their new dorms.

“I think I want to paint my nails for school,” Harley noted casually from his desk chair, catching the attention of Peter who laid back on Harley’s bed. Peter sat up, looking at his boyfriend. He’d been painting his own nails for just over a year, letting Harley fawn over them whenever he painted on a new color or design, but Harley’s hesitation about his own nails stemmed from a deep seeded insecurity leftover from his hometown. Peter never pushed or judged because he’d learned long ago that Harley’s experience with his sexuality was much different than his own, and he’d be patient with Harley.

“I can show you the colors I have,” Peter replied with ease. Quickly, he pulled the bag of nail polish out from under Harley’s bed, waiting there for when Peter liked to paint his nails in Harley’s room. (On more than one occasion, Harley has had to kick Peter out of his room for getting nail polish on his sheets, nail polish which remains on the sheets). After some discussion, Harley decided to let Peter paint his nails a dark teal color to match the color that already sat on Peter’s nails. 

“You can’t touch anything after I’m done or you’ll ruin them, even if you think you’re not touching your nails,” Peter informed Harley as he took Harley’s hand gently in his own. “We’ll be here a while after I’m done so they can dry, even with the fan.” 

Harley was headed to Stanford with a major in civil and environmental engineering, a minor in music. Despite both of them taking over the company, neither chose a business major because they both knew that the guidance of Ms. Potts would outweigh what they would learn at any school, no question.

“I won’t mess them up, Darlin. You know how much patience I have.”

“You have no patience. Zero patience, Starlight, we both know that.” Peter looked Harley in the eye before returning back to his work on Harley’s nails. He was beyond thrilled that Harley was confident enough in himself to let Peter paint his nails, and the fact that they were matching was just the icing on the cake. 

“I promise I’ll let them dry if you let me take you to Joe’s Pizza tonight,” Harley offered knowing fully that Peter would never turn down Joe’s pizza. Their first date was at Joe’s; neither of them really knew that it was a date until they ended up kissing outside of Peter’s apartment, both soaked because they’d insisted on walking despite the rain to spend more time together.

“That sounds like a win-win to me.” Peter smiled, finishing up the last nail on Harley’s right hand, steady grip careful not to get the polish onto Harley’s skin. He gently positioned Harley so his nails sat in front of the mini fan, cradling the other hand to finish his work. 

Peter admired Harley from his seat at the desk. He watched the way the setting New York sun highlighted the gentle features of the golden boy’s face. To most people, the setting sun was an ending, but Peter knew all too well that it was only a beginning. When the moon came up and the stars began to twinkle was when Peter’s day really began. His Starlight was always more elegant to be seen under the night sky. Freckles scattered amongst the boy’s cheeks, arms, and shoulders like he was chosen by the moon herself and blessed to wear stardust everywhere he walked. After dusk was when Harley glistened and gleamed and glowed for Peter alone.

“What’s your roommate like?” Peter asked quietly, freeing Harley’s second hand to begin drying. He never bothered with top coats, and he knew Harley wouldn’t take the time for polish that’s clear anyways.

“He seems cool enough. He’s a psychology major from Washington, so that’s kind of boring, but he’s at Stanford so it’s gotta be worth something.” Peter tried to imagine the boy from Washington who’d major in psychology. If there was anything he learned from the admission process (from tours all the way to Facebook groups) it was that psychology and business majors were common, but Harley was usually not as kind about the description. “I wish that I’d known somebody who I could’ve roomed with, though. You’re lucky.”

Peter was lucky because he was able to request a roommate, and his long time best friend just so happened to be attending MIT at the same time as Peter.

“I think Harry might get sick of me by the end of the year,” Peter laughed, “We haven’t spent time like that together since we were ten.”

“As long as you don’t get nail polish on his sheets, I think you’ll be okay. Did I tell you that I’ve been emailing the orchestra director?”

“No, what about?” Peter zipped up the nail polish bag and watched Harley, grabbing his wrists whenever he began to speak too wildly with his hands.

“Auditions and lessons and all that. They think I should double major, but I’m not sure I want to.” Harley clearly struggled to hold his hands still in front of the small fan, uncomfortable without tossing his hands around and gesturing as he spoke.

“I think you’d be a good music major, but if you don’t want to that’s your choice,” Peter reassured, tapping the tip of each nail to ensure their dryness. He waved his own hands to indicate that Harley should mimic the motion, “You can always switch can’t you? Start as one and switch if you change your mind?”

“Yeah, I’ll think about it.” Harley ended the conversation there. Peter loved Harley’s music, but knew that it wasn’t his boyfriend’s calling in life. He knew Harley would make an astounding music major, but it was ultimately his choice, and as long as Harley was happy, Peter would be content.

Peter took Harley’s hands in his own to inspect his newly painted nails. “Okay, I think you’re good just don’t go around scratching stuff or anything.” He let go of Harley’s left hand and laced his fingers into Harley’s right, “Ready?”

Slowly, they walked the few blocks to Joe’s Pizza in the cooling streets of New York. The sky grumbled angrily, and clouds buried the dark sky from view. Their hands swung back and forth between the two in time with their steps, and nothing else really mattered. The crowded sidewalk and busy streets seemed to slow to a stop as if the universe made way for the two, the two whose hearts were welded with vibranium. 

Peter talked and talked all the way about his class schedule, about having to take calculus at eight in the morning, about how Harry bought a fridge and a microwave and a television for their bedroom. Harley listened all the while, watching his Sunshine light up the gloomy streets of New York City. How he would miss this at Stanford.

Harley pulled open the door to Joe’s Pizza and held it open for Peter to walk through first. He crossed immediately to their usual table in the corner, ignoring the menus at the end of the table. Two lemonades and a large cheese pizza, it was the same every time.

Harley sped through the order easily like it was a dance he had memorized, like it was the Cotton Eyed Joe, or the YMCA, or even the Renegade (which he was determined to learn seven months prior). Peter was so bad with words that every restaurant interaction felt like a dyslexic Cha Cha Slide (or the Renegade, which Harley forced him to dance even though he’d never learned it), even with the waitresses who had their order memorized anyways.

“You’ll call me, right? And we can video chat?” Peter fretted.

“Of course, Sunshine. We’ll call all the time. I’ll send you letters too, and I’ll Facetime you, so you can introduce me to Harry.” Peter laughed at that.

“You’ll love Harry. You have a lot in common.” Peter carefully sipped his lemonade as they waited for their pizza. He tugged at the empty straw wrapper, folding it up before putting it back on the table.

“Yeah? Like what?” Harley tore off the end of his straw wrapper and blew the other end to Peter. Peter grabbed it before he realized it was headed his way.

“Like you both like to bother me.” Peter quipped, peeling the crumpled straw wrapper off his hand. 

Their dinner went the same as any date at Joe’s: ten slices of pizza, Harley ate two and Peter ate six. (Two went home so Harley and Peter could pester Tony to eat while he was cooped up in the lab). Unfortunately, Harley would be bothering Tony on his own because Peter was going back to the apartment in Queens where everything was packed before leaving for school. 

When the two had finished their meal (and left a generous tip for their last Joe’s date until November), they stepped out of the restaurant and into the New York streets, a light drizzle hanging above them. Had the weather remained a light drizzle, Peter and Harley probably wouldn’t have noticed, but the end of the block had them jogging across the sidewalk, pizza box and hoods held over their heads. Peter let out a shriek when Harley jumped into a puddle, cold water splashing up the legs of Peter’s skinny jeans. Peter stopped and giggled as he kicked the water back at Harley. 

As quickly as the rain introduced itself, Peter’s mood dropped. He realized dreadfully that he wouldn’t get to run around New York streets with his boyfriend for months, that he wouldn’t be eating pizza with him for months,  _ he couldn’t hold Harley’s hand until November _ .

“What’s wrong, Dearest?” Harley lowered himself from where he was about to kick more puddle water at Peter. 

“Nothing, no, it’s okay.” Peter sniffed and pulled the sleeves of his cropped sweater over his hands to wipe at his face. “Walk me home?” He held his hand out for Harley to take, intending to get everything he possibly could out of this last night. He let Harley hold his hand and walk him through the rain. They walked slowly, hoping to savor each other as long as possible, and Peter’s sneakers scuffed the sidewalk with every trudging step he took. 

The pit in Peter’s stomach seemed to grow with every step closer to the apartment. He could hear his heart inside his ears, and the feeling of dread seemed to swallow him whole. (He was only thankful for the rain because it would hide the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes).

“I promise I’ll call whenever I can, and we’ll both be home for fall break.” Harley reassured Peter who stood on the steps to his apartment building.

“I’m gonna miss you a lot.” Peter’s voice broke as he laughed at himself, feeling silly for being so upset over a few months. He knew that he could go a few months without seeing his boyfriend, but he also knew he wouldn’t be happy about it at all.  _ It’s not the time, it’s the distance _ , he remembered reading in a book that he wouldn’t remember the title of. 

“I know,” Harley pulled Peter close and rested his chin atop the head of soaked curls. They separated for the inevitable goodbye. Peter just barely held onto Harley’s hand, 

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Sunshine.” Harley smiled sadly at the crying boy.

“Love you more,” Peter chuckled dryly.

“Most.”

“More than you would ever know.” Peter squeezed Harley’s hand one final time before letting his fingers fall out of his grasp. He walked up the stairs, shoes smacking against the wet stairs with each step he took. The struggle of opening the door to the building didn’t compare to the pain of closing it behind and forcing himself to walk through the building. He wouldn’t know how long Harley sat on the stairs, unwilling to move out of the rain for fear that the feeling of Peter’s hand in his own would fade.

-

Harley met Harry for the first time over Facetime three days later. They immediately got along, telling stories about Peter for over an hour while Peter interjected and tried his best to defend himself. Once Harry had left for one of his classes, Peter talked to Harley on his own about their classes and their new friends.

Though he’d never say it, Peter felt an aversion to Harley’s many newfound friends, partially out of the fear of losing his Starlight, partially out of jealousy for Harley making so many friends while Peter still seemed to only know Harry.

A month later, Peter felt nearing the loss of his mind. Between his classes and the new environment as well as thinking about Harley, Peter felt like he was tearing apart. He hated that he didn’t talk to Harley nearly as much as he would’ve wanted because during any time that they both weren’t in class, they were busy studying or eating or running around campus. He never brought it up to Harley because, despite the pain that accompanied not talking to Harley, he knew that Harley was busy just like he was, and he knew that Harley was more independent than him. Harley didn’t need to talk every day the way that Peter did, and Peter didn’t want to distract him, so he settled for just thinking about him.

“There’s a party at the Theta Chi house tonight,” Harry noted, tossing his books onto the desk.   
“Don’t tell me you actually want to go to a frat party,” Peter retorted disbelievingly. He knew Harry would rebel against his father in college, but he never actually expected him to be a partier.

“Don’t be stupid, of course not. I want to sit on the sidewalk outside and watch everyone stumble down the street.” Harry shrugged on a denim jacket, pulling his keys into his pocket. Peter sighed knowing that, no matter how hard he argued, he would always say yes to Harry in the end,

“Can I bring my physics work at least?” Peter scooped up his books at Harry’s nod of the head and tossed his bag over his shoulder. He draped a cardigan over one arm and followed Harry out of their room.

Once fall break rolled around, Peter was essentially a zombie walking through the motions. He was tired and stressed, and he had midterms coming up. It had been weeks since he last called Harley and, as much as he needed to be focused on his studies, he just couldn’t get his mind off his boyfriend on the other side of the country. (His boyfriend on the other side of the country  _ who he was seeing soon! _ )

He was thrilled to see Harley. They went on dates every day and took each other to every Thanksgiving dinner that they were welcome at (which included the Keeners’ dinner, the Avengers’ dinner, dinner with May and Ned and MJ, and, oddly enough, crashing an Osborn dinner with Harry whose father had forbidden him from bringing his “common friends”). He was thankful for the break and the chance to see Harley, but their break was over far too soon. As quickly as it began, they were hugging and heading back to their respective schools (this time without the tears, though the dread was still present).

Midterms beat the shit out of Peter. His physics grade had taken a serious dip, and his mind was filled with scattered thoughts of science and math. Checking his grades and feeling on the brink of losing it, he reached for Harley, the only person who he was positive could calm him down.

_ call today? _

Harley’s response didn’t come through for another hour.

_ yea, i wanted to talk to u about something _

Another text from Harley came through quickly:

_ i’ll call you at nine _

Peter’s heart raced out of his chest with every passing minute. He didn’t want to think about what Harley meant to talk to him about. He watched the second hand move on the clock at nine PM, turning to his phone every few seconds. The call came through fifteen minutes later.

“Hey, Peter,” Harley sighed from the other side of the line. Peter’s heart stopped immediately. He tuned into everything that had happened within just a moment. The sad sigh, the explicit lack of a nickname of any kind,

“Hey,” Peter barely choked out. His throat felt dry as a desert, aching for something that he knew wasn’t there. He needed Harley to be there, to hold his hand, reassure him that everything would be alright.

“Listen, I wanted to talk,” Harley began hesitantly. “Pete, I just can’t do this anymore. We both need to focus on school, and we’re just so far away.” His voice broke painfully. Peter thought scornfully that Harley would have no idea what pain felt like compared to what he was doing to Peter.

The call only lasted for three and a half minutes. He didn’t have the heart to ask the questions he wanted to ask.  _ Don’t you love me anymore? What happened to you and me forever? _ He didn’t have the strength to ask the questions he needed to ask.  _ What does this mean about the future of Stark Industries? Will you see me during the next break?  _ That was it. Three and a half minutes were all it took to wipe out years of building up what they had. And Peter cried. He cried and sobbed and let his pillow soak up all of his tears because the only person who could ever hurt him dropped him like a glass vase. Sitting alone in his room, he cried until he watched the sun go down and the walls of the dorm darken.

He wondered if he could ever stop loving Harley, if he could love again when there was already somebody who knew his entire soul fluently. How could Peter find somebody who could love him the way that Harley did? He wondered if Harley wanted to stop loving him, if he would move on and find somebody else, if he maybe already did?

Peter’s thoughts were interrupted by his roommate wrapping a blanket around his shoulders and shoving a water bottle into his hand. He hadn’t even noticed Harry come in. Harry let him cry, never asked for him to explain. Peter let the tears end just long enough to fall asleep where Harry held him all night.

Within the coming weeks, Peter threw himself into his work, a distraction from what he would rather not be thinking about. His physics grade went back up, he predicted straight As for when his finals grades came out after taking every final, confident in the material. Despite the significant increase in the quality of his schoolwork, Peter couldn’t deny that he was unbelievably lonely.

“Let’s go watch everyone leave the Theta Chi party, yeah?” Harry suggested just nights before they were to leave. He’d been throwing around suggestions constantly to get Peter away from his studies, to get Peter to do anything else, and tonight, Peter couldn’t refuse because they were both entirely finished with their classes.

“I’d rather not,” Peter grumbled from his desk where he cracked open the textbooks for next semester. Harry followed the usual routine, telling Peter it’d be fun, never mentioning the real reason Peter knew Harry was inviting him out.

“I’m not precious, you know? You’ve been treating me like glass for weeks.”

“Peter,” Harry began solemnly before being cut off again,

“You think I need someone to protect and comfort me? You think that just because I got dumped by the love of my life means you can’t act normal around me anymore?” Peter held back the tears that seemed too familiar when it came to Harley. Within the next few weeks Peter would come to realize that Harry  _ was _ acting normal, never letting on that anything was wrong at all, but Peter was too caught up in his emotions to take notice.

They sat on the sidewalk all night, Peter nestled up against Harry’s side to keep warm.

Winter break found Harry and Peter both staying with May to avoid both Harley and Norman. Harry had already decided to sleep on the couch and let Peter sleep in his own bed. Peter slept on the floor beside the couch. 

There were two parties that Peter was expected to attend over the break (both thrown by Mr. Stark to nobody’s surprise): the Avengers’ holiday party, and the Stark New Year’s party. Peter knew he could get away with missing one, everybody knew what had happened surely, but he still wanted to see Mr. Stark and the rest of the Avengers, so he went to the New Year’s party in a feeble attempt to put off seeing his ex (how it hurt to use that word) for an extra few days. Harry came along too, eager to watch partygoers stumble out of the elevator at the end of the night, and more than willing to keep Peter’s mind off of Harley.

The party was just as crowded as usual, every balcony filled with people trying to get a good look at the ball drop which, luckily enough, was in perfect view from the tower.  _ Almost every balcony _ . Peter knew the one from his own room was empty because nobody else had the access that Peter did to get into the room. After chatting and finally seeing everybody he’d wanted to, Peter dragged Harry down the crowded hallways and into his room, locking the door behind them. His balcony was large, chairs set up from where he used to stay up late with Harley talking deep into the summer nights, sometimes getting to watch the sun rise. Harry stole a kiss at midnight, “for tradition,” he argued through a sleepy smile. Neither saw Harley on the adjacent balcony to his own room. Neither saw him retreat to his room just seconds before midnight.

Peter and Harry had fun for about a month and a half. They held hands, they stole kisses, and it was fun, but it wasn’t  _ right.  _ Peter and Harry both knew that whatever fun they were having wasn’t going to last, and they both knew that it was okay because their friendship would. They decided before Valentine’s Day that they would make better friends than lovers and that neither of them really wanted to get the other a gift anyways. It was for the best.

The rest of Peter’s freshman year went swimmingly. He aced all of his classes, maintained a 4.0, stayed friends with Harry, he still missed Harley but, all things considered, wasn’t ready to be friends again, not yet. By the time they moved out with a promise to be roommates again the following year, Peter was thrilled to be going home to New York. He’d spend time with Aunt May, get some quality lab time with Mr. Stark, and finally relax after a long semester. The first time he went back to the tower was for Mr. Stark’s birthday party which, despite its long history, was said to be smaller this year, and it was  _ by comparison _ . 

Wishing he had brought Harry with him to watch the stumblers, Peter retreated to his balcony, unknowingly leaving his door wide open. Peter watched the city lights shining across the horizon, a plethora of buildings leaving an unpredictable pattern. Cooling air chilled his skin as the sky began to mist, just enough to feel but not enough to force Peter off of his beloved balcony.

A small knock on the balcony door made Peter jump, turning around to catch the offender. He invited himself onto the balcony, taking ease in his usual seat.

“Where’s Harry tonight?” He asked quietly, unwilling to break the atmosphere.

“Had a date.” Peter kept his eyes glued to the city, afraid of what he may do if he turned to look. He picked at the chipped teal polish that encompassed his short nails. The rain picked up, but neither made a move to leave, afraid to abandon the moment.

“Do you want to paint my nails again?”

“Sure.”

Rain seeping into his clothes, Harley finally turned to look, Peter doing the same. The instant they locked eyes, both turned away again as if the momentary gaze had burned them. Thunder boomed across the city, Peter barely heard it over the deafening silence that consumed them.

Harley tenderly took Peter’s hand in his own, barely holding on as if he were terrified that he would hurt the boy. Somehow, the boy’s cold hand felt warm in Harley’s own, like it was meant to be there.  _ It was _ , he thought brazenly,  _ it was before everything happened. _

“Is this okay?” He barely whispered.

Peter nodded in response. Rain showered the two of them, splashing on the balcony and onto their hair. Lightning graced the skyline, a flash of power to contrast the delicate lights that sparkled through the city. A secret, silent moment not for the New Yorkers, not for partygoers, not for Harry or May or for Mr. Stark. 

_ You are the only ones who know. _

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!  
> last line is from an Arctic Monkeys song (my partner's and my song) called Only Ones Who Know so if you want the vibe for that last scene, go and listen to it  
> join the [Parkner Discord](https://discord.gg/cxwUkVW) to participate in server events and just meet the coolest people around! we absolutely adore seeing new people pop in, and i run the server events, so come around and say hi!  
> [Maia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkner_keenker/pseuds/parkner_keenker) didn't beta this one (because i'm impatient and posted as soon as i finished) but she betas most of my stuff including my other fics that you should go check out!  
> thanks again for reading, comments soothe my soul <3


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